Is love an art?
If that is it, then the one who wants to master this art is required to know something and to spare no effort. Or is love just a pleasant sensation that happens by chance, something that "falls into your lap" when you're lucky?
Not as if one thought that love was not important. People are starving for it; They watch countless films about happy or unfortunate love stories, they listen to hundreds of cheesy love lids - but hardly anyone assumes that you have to do something if you want to learn to love. This strange attitude is based on different preconditions that contribute individually or together to keeping them alive. Most people see the problem of love first and foremost as being the problem of being loved rather than loving and loving.
Therefore, it's all about how to achieve love, how to be loved. In order to reach this goal, they take different paths. The one way, especially pursued by men, is to be as successful, as powerful and rich as your own social position makes possible. Another, especially women preferred way is to be as attractive as possible by cosmetics, beautiful clothes and the like. Other means used by both men and women are pleasant manners, interesting conversation, helpfulness, modesty and good nature. Many of these means of making oneself adorable are the same as those used to succeed, to "make friends". In fact, most of our culture's people kindly understand a mix of popularity and sex appeal.
Second, there is the assumption that the problem of love is an object, not an ability, because of the attitude that one does not have to learn to love. Many people think that loving them is easy, that it is difficult to find the right partner to love and love. This attitude has several causes that are related to the development of our modern society. One cause is the strong change that has occurred in the twentieth century regarding the choice of the "love object". In the Victorian era, love - as in many traditional cultures - was not a spontaneous personal experience that might later lead to a marriage. On the contrary: a marriage contract was concluded either between the two families or by a matchmaker or even without such mediation; The conclusion was made on the basis of social considerations, assuming that love will be established after the marriage.
Closely related to this is another characteristic feature of our culture today. Our entire culture is based on the desire to buy, the idea of mutually beneficial bartering. To look at shop windows and to be able to afford everything you can afford for cash or on installments - in this thrill lies the happiness of modern man. He (or she) looks at people in a similar way. The man is behind an attractive young girl and the woman is behind an attractive man. Here, "attractive" is understood as a bundle of nice features that are currently popular and in demand on the personnel market. What makes a person particularly attractive depends on the particular fashion - both physically and mentally. Thus, two people fall in love with each other when they feel that they have found the best object that is affordable for them, given their own market value. As with the acquisition of a piece of land, viable and hidden opportunities often play a significant role in this business.
In a culture in which the marketing orientation predominates, in which material success is the highest value, it is hardly surprising that human (love) relationships also follow the same exchange methods as those used on the commodity market. and labor market prevail.
The third error that leads to the assumption that loving does not have to be learned is because one confuses the initial experience of "falling in love" with the permanent state of "loving". If two people who were alien to one another - as we all are - suddenly let the dividing wall collapse between them, when they become intimately united, when they feel one, then this moment of oneness is one of the happiest, most exciting Experiences in life.